By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
