I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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