So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
