I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
