literally had 100 drinks last night.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
