don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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