ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
