Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
