clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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