Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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