How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
No subtext here. People are naked.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
