Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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