lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just had sex on a roof
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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