That's when you crack a 10am beer
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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