i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
