the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
