The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
