matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
