When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
