I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
