I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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