why do cheetos always look like penises
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Why is your signature on my underwear?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
