Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
