i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
