I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
