the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
