id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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