totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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