the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
