You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I think my fart just growled at me.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
