Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
