My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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