i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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