i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
