Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And then my night got REAL pukey
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
