You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
