i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
