So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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