So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we're making bets on your personal life
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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