Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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