girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
