News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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