I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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