did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
