brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
