Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
