I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
