i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
