i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
