I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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