I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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