if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
