Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
